Pick up lines.

(Always use pick up lines with caution as they occasionally back fire and result in a punch to the mouth.)


Hey beautiful.  Come here often?
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?
Are you okay?  Because heaven is a long fall from here.
Bond.  James Bond.

I've heard a few pick up lines in my time but I've never actually used one myself...until Saturday night.  That's when I met the new love of my life...in a dark alley...in a bad part of town.  The second I laid eyes on this stunning specimen, I knew my life would forever be changed.  I'd never seen one so strong and sculpted and even beautiful in all my life.  My heart began to race and my hands began to sweat.  I knew this was it!  I had to say something before my chance at this love would surely disappear.  So I did it.  I said to a man I'd never met before, right there in that dark back alley, "What's your bottom dollar?"  And guess what.  It worked!  I knew I had to work fast before he realized what was going on and changed his mind.  Fortunately, Jeff and my dad were with me and they grabbed some straps and duct tape, quickly loaded my dreamboat up onto the trailer for me and then we road of into the night.

Knowing you all would want to see the stunning physique of my prey, I quickly took a picture for you right there in the dark so the quality is worse than usual but the allure still shows through.  There's just no hiding it.  Are you ready?  Maybe you'd better sit down first.

Taa-Daa!

I only paid $70 for this oven that fell straight from heaven!  It's a GE electric range circa 1955ish.

I found it on craigslist Saturday afternoon and immediately called Jeff and asked him how he felt about buying an old turquoise oven.  He said with the sound of disbelief, "Really?"  But since he doesn't do any of the cooking, he doesn't really care so I asked him if he'd pick it up on his way back home but he couldn't because he didn't have the Suburban.  So then I asked him if he would mind to swing by the guy's house to give him the money for it so no one could buy it out from under me and Jeff said, get this, "I doubt that would happen."  What???  Are you kidding me???  He obviously had no idea what we were dealing with here so I drove the Suburban out to the land and we picked up one of the trailers so I could go and nab this baby.  It wasn't until Sunday morning in the Walmart parking lot, when he noticed that every woman that walked past our trailer queen would slow down, smile and wave and bat their eyes at her like they were trying to lure her off the trailer to come home with them, that he began to understand exactly what we had, but I knew.  I knew the whole time.

I'm pretty sure that if it hadn't been black Friday weekend, which managed to distract every other woman in the Midwest, I would have missed out on this beauty.  Or it would have a least required the use of small firearms and bloodshed to get it.

As soon as we got it into the new house I started chipping away (literally) at the 50 year old baked on grease.  Ewww!  Let me save you some trouble here if you ever have 50 year old baked on grease to clean up...  Just go right for the razor blades and straight ammonia.  Nothing works better.  Just be careful not to scratch the enamel.  I was having a hard time getting into all the nooks and crannies though, so the kings of overkill swooped in and COMPLETELY DISMANTLED IT!  Aaacccckkk!!  I think the 50's look of the stove reminded Jeff of his old cars and he got sucked into the process and my dad just likes to take things apart.  Together, they're dangerous!

                          

The previous owner said it had been used by a renter who said one of the burners didn't work but I don't really care.  Cooking is not my forte.  I just wanted this oven 'cause I think it's purdy.  Shallow, I know.  Jeff however, is quickly falling in love with it too and being the perfectionist that he is has already found all the replacement parts to get it back to like new condition so that we can use it to it's fullest potential.  Ha!  As if.  The total investment will be around $200 and when these ovens have been restored, they sell for a few thousand dollars.  So consider this my children's future inheritance.  That's how much I love them.

                                    

Once they got the oven apart for me to clean, we found it to be full of asbestos insulation and mouse poop.  I'm guessing that many a mouse has succumbed to mesothelioma thanks to that old stove!  Consider it a time release method of pest control.  This finding lead my mom and I into this completely normal conversation,

Mom: "We just had a couple of mice."

Me:  "Oh yeah?"

Mom:  "Yeah.  We caught two in one trap, Renegade."

Me:  "Oh really?"

Mom:  "Mm-hmm.  Which is funny because Thunderin' Billy is usually our best mouse trap."

Me:  "Huh.  That is funny."

Yes, my parents name their mousetraps and keep records of their killings, just for sport.  (They nixed their TV a few years ago too.)  My dad also calls every dog he sees Beauxregard and if you're eating chicken he'll always ask you how your cheeseburger is.  The other night he was talking to Sophie while she was hungry and crying and asked her if she wanted a baloney sandwich.  Nursing always equals a baloney sandwich in the Hawkins household.  These are things you can take to the bank.  You can't find that kind of stability anymore.  In fact, the day my dad stops naming his mousetraps and purposely calling everything by the wrong name is the day I will no longer know up from down, left from right.  As reassuring as my dad's steadfast sense of humor is to his family, it definitely has it's embarrassing drawbacks.  Just ask my sister Erin, who, while taking her driving test, learned that the big slabs of concrete running down the middle of the roads are actually called medians, not comedians.

Now that I'm done chasing rabbits which are in the rodent family like mice, we come full circle, back to my kitchen appliances.

Saturday morning we ran by Lowe's so I could pick up a microwave for the kitchen that will also allow Jeff to eat something other than sandwiches while he's working on the house at night.  We're pretty much in the home stretch so it's going to require him to start burning the midnight oil for a little while.  I hate that. :(  Anyway, the microwave is a $200 black under mount that I got for $99.  My choices were limited.  That means my kitchen will have a 10 year old black fridge, a brand new black microwave, a like new white dishwasher, a 50 plus year old turquoise oven and a strict "no drooling" policy.  Now, if only I can find an old copper farmhouse sink the look will be complete.

Aside from slaughtering my oven right before my eyes, Jeff and my dad also got the metal building completely back together.  That gives me real hope for my oven.

                        

As I predicted, it took all weekend, right up to dark last night to take it down, transport, and reassemble it.

                      

Next up will be the plumbing and electrical in the house.

One last thing.  Today is my oldest baby's birthday.  At 8:30 this morning, Madison turned eleven.  Whaaaa!  It wasn't supposed to be going by this fast!  I remember when she was a tiny little baby, suffering with colic every night, and thinking, "Will this ever end?"  And now here she is, eleven.  Boo-hoo-hoo.  As sad as it makes me, I wouldn't turn back time if I could.  She's just as amazing and precious to me now as she ever was! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADISON!!!